At the beginning of July I lost my grandmother. She was eighty-three years old. In 2023, my mother and her siblings started the process of “treating” her dementia. When my parents told us of her state I was shocked, sad, and depressed. My grandmother was the first close relative of mine that I experienced dementia with, I have distant relatives that suffered from dementia or Alzheimers but none that I was close to. Even in the dark I thought we had year(s) to still be with her. Which is why when she was hospitalized in June with a stroke and brain bleeds (due to a fall and her dementia) I was shocked, sad, depressed with a ton of denial.
On an unrelated but related note. At the beginning of May I had begun daily(ish) journaling ~ musings of my day, thoughts, experiences, gratitude, what I loved and didn’t, etc., So throughout June when she was hospitalized I started documenting everything ~ memories from my childhood with her, recipes that she would make us, any and all little detail that I could remember of her, and my journey through grief of losing her.
For years before she passed I had been pursing photography both creatively and in the interest of profession so I had many photos that I had taken of her whenever we visited each other.
When she died I started putting this piece together because it helps me. I want to share this piece with you because maybe there’s something you’ll see as a mirror, window or door into your own experience.
With that, this is the excerpt that introduces We Love You, a piece made of photographs and musings of my grandmother:
July 2, 2024 my grandmother passed away.
At the time that I am writing this it has only been a day since she passed but I’ve been grieving for weeks. In earlier June she was admitted into the hospital. She was a fighter, I truly believe she fought tooth and nail to keep living. As my dad said “physically her body was done but spiritually she was not ready”.
I’ve been fortunate. My grandmother took care of us a lot when we were kids. Both my parents worked and although I don’t remember anything before age five (roughly) I do remember that every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (plus some weekends) we would be spending time with her. When we entered middle school she stopped "babysitting” us but I always made this effort to visit her as often as I could. This continued on when I went into High School, graduated, went to College, moved away, came back home and had children of my own. So, I have a lot of fond memories with her.
Over the last few years I have taken many wonderful photos of my grandmother with my daughter and son and over the last couple months I have written many thoughts and musings over past memories and my journey through grief.
This body of work is in progress. My grief runs deep but going through old photos and writing down my memories and musings helps me navigate this difficult time.
I have called this piece “We Love You” for that is what I embroidered on her blanket while she lied in the hospital room then the hospice house. No matter where or the time of day I wanted her to always know that.
A few pieces that are currently displayed:
For more on this series please visit ‘We Love You'.”